


(Take Pride) As We Sing To The Sky

by ThePancakePenguin



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Josh-centric, Kinda vent fic?, Touring, coherent vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 16:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10132292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePancakePenguin/pseuds/ThePancakePenguin
Summary: There's always that one person that seems to know you better than you know yourself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the product of an exhausting couple of weeks and a live performance of Truce I saw on YouTube that made me wanna hug Josh.
> 
> Also I saw them on Valentine's Day. I'm not sure if I should be guilty that one of my first thoughts seeing them 40 feet away from me under a spotlight was "Wow, their arms look soft."
> 
> Also pt.2 Screen fucked me up so bad I was inspired by that too.

Josh felt fine.

He wasn't in denial. He wasn't trying to convince himself he was okay. He really was. He was good. Great, even.

At least most of the time.

He wasn't getting bad again. Sure, there was the incident a few weeks ago where he chickened out ordering his own drink from Starbucks because he felt too uncomfortable and settled for "sipping" Tyler's whenever he "wasn't looking", but that was merely a blip in the strong and ongoing climb of progress, one he'd been soldiering through for years now.

He was just... _something_. He couldn't even think of how to describe it.

So he decided to put the feeling on the back burner, focusing on the tour and the fans and his dream instead. It didn't surprise him how easy it was, considering this feeling was neither good nor bad. It just... _was._

What was surprising was Tyler picking up on it when Josh himself hadn't noticed any real changes in behavior.

"How you doin' man?" He asked casually, not looking up from his phone as he carefully decided what move to make in Solitaire.

"I'm good man, just chillin'." Josh responded, smiling at a funny comic a fan had made and posted on Twitter.

"You sure?" Tyler looked up at him, allowed some concern to slip into his tone.

Josh liked the tweet and continued scrolling. "Yeah dude." He sat up a little, stretching his foot out and tapping Tyler on his knee."What about you? Something on your mind?"

"Yeah, I guess," Tyler shut his phone off and started picking at his nails. "It's just...I don't know dude, something about you is off. I can feel it." He leaned forward a bit, making eye contact with his friend. "Josh, you'd tell me if something is wrong, right?"

Josh gave a little huff, touched by the singer's concern. "Of course, Tyler. I'd let you know the minute I started to feel out of control, just like you would to me. But I mean it; I'm good."

Tyler nodded, seemingly satisfied, and went back to picking his nails.

Josh went back to his phone, changing apps and checking his Instagram.

Now, Josh may be a quiet guy, but his more reserved nature had no correlation with the high energy levels in his body. Maybe anxiety played a part in it, but he was always moving, whether it be a discrete tapping on any vaguely flat surface he could find to the more obvious knee bouncing  ~~or the restrained rocking in bathroom stalls or crevices between walls and furniture.~~

And Tyler was just the same, evident by his current state of distraction. His focus on his hands transcended the portrayal of a character; they were a part of his body that he had always been subconsciously obsessed with. He continued playing with his fingers, scraping his nails over the cuticles and skin folds repeatedly. The need for stimulation surpassed the inevitability of hangnails and peeling skin.

He should probably go back to playing with his ring. It's safer. It won't hurt his hands and he won't have to worry about doing any more damage to himself later. Maybe Josh should talk to him about that.

"Josh."

He tore his eyes away from the hands, which had stopped moving some time ago, and met Tyler's distressed gaze.

"You're rocking, what's wrong?"

He looked down at his own body. It was moving  _back-and-forth-back-and-forth-back-and-forth_ without his control. He shrugged. "I don't know. I feel fine." He sat up a little straighter to challenge Tyler's disbelieving look. "I _do,_ Tyler. I don't know what's happening. I don't know _why_  it's happening."

Tyler held his hands up in surrender, not wanting to upset Josh any further. "Okay, okay. Do you need your cube? I think it's in my bag."

Josh sighed a defeated "yes, please", trying to keep himself still as Tyler rose from his chair and rummaged through his backpack across the room. The singer sat on the couch next to him and handed over the small black prism.

"What's wrong, Josh? You said you were okay earlier."

"I  _am_ ," he reiterated softly, the quiet clicking or the various flipping switches and pressing buttons on the cube almost overpowering his voice.

"Okay. Well, what caused you to get so worked up just now?" 

"I don't know."

And then it clicked. Literally. He'd just flipped one of the switches again when he realized.

"That's it, I think." Tyler looked ready to ask for clarification, but Josh beat him to it. "Okay, so I have been feeling a little weird lately. Not bad weird, but also not good weird either? It's almost like...when you have a joint you need to pop but not how many times you try it doesn't happen. Or when you hear a piano scale stop before it reaches the last note. Or when you want to make a comment, but the subject changes and later you can't remember what you were going to say."

Tyler nods slowly, letting Josh continue. "I've been able to ignore it, but..." He sighs in frustration. "I just don't get it it's like I'm..." He waved his free hand, searching.

"It's like I'm  _incomplete_ , or  _lost_. Like something is  _missing_." He stopped playing with the cube, suddenly feeling empty. "I've been going through the motions, I've been  _living_ , but something is broken. I don't know if I should keep searching for it, or maybe accept the fact that I'll never find it."

He rolled the silver marble implanted in the cube, doing  _fastfastfastfastfast_ and then  _s l o w s l o w s l o w_ spins while he awaited Tyler's response.

Long fingers gently pried one of his hands away and laced together with his own. Before he knew what was happening he felt another hand rest on the nape of his neck and help direction his body so Tyler could properly wrap his arms around him. Tyler hooked his chin over Josh's shoulder, slowly running a hand over his shoulder blades while the other rested on the small of his back.

Josh has done this before with Tyler. Sometimes their roles are switched.

He knows what to do.

Josh closes his eyes, presses his closed lips to the Tyler's collar bone, and  _breathes._

He knows there are tears running down his face when Tyler starts mumbling things like "you'll be okay" and "I'm here". Neither are alarmed. Quite the opposite, actually. They know it's a natural reaction. A necessary reaction.

Sometimes a few tears need to be shed to know you're feeling anything at all.

Josh's lips move against Tyler's neck. 

_Thank you._

Josh feels Tyler's jaw shift and his breath brush across the side of his head.

_Of course._

**Author's Note:**

> Boy do I like projecting myself on Josh like WOWIE.
> 
> I gave him a hopeful ending because I don't think I'll get one like that but eh. A girl can dream I guess.
> 
> Also my friend bought me a fidget cube and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT IF YOU HAVE ANXIETY OR JUST NEED A WAY TO EXPEL ENERGY THEY ARE 10/10 (I'm kinda salty about it because I didn't want her to spend money on me but it was like $5 of Amazon so yeah)


End file.
